Judge John Hodgman on Letting the Dog Into the Bathroom

Jamie writes: My fiancé, Jesse, refuses to let our adorable dog, Chuck, into the bathroom while he — Jesse — is engaged in time-intensive bathroom activities. Our house is old and drafty, and only has one bathroom, and it is the only space that has heated floors. Jesse prefers privacy in the bathroom and argues that Chuck has his own heating pad on the couch. Please order him to let Chuck in!

I’m sure you love your fiancé almost as much as you love your dog, but consider: Would you want Jesse sprawled on the bathroom floor watching you as you take care of your most intimate human business? Actually, don’t answer — maybe you would! But your preference doesn’t matter. Jesse is not only a human, but a different human from you, and he deserves to make his own privacy settings. I order Chuck, meanwhile, to enjoy his heating pad, continue to be adorable and keep pooping in public like the dog he is.

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